Recently in the news there was a story about an abducted little boy by a registered sex offender. Luckily, the little guy was returned to his home, in the middle of the night, by the same person that supposedly took him. The little boy's home was empty, his doors unlocked, and the person slipped right past road blocks to put him back home.
People have criticized the police in this story, wondering how the little boy was returned to his home in the middle of the night, undetected? I feel like shaking them and saying, "Do you think the house was empty by mistake? Do you really think that the house was unlocked by mistake? Would you rather the little boy be safe at home, or still lost to society with a known sex offender?" If it was my child, I would have readily vacated my house and paid for my street to be vacated if it meant my little person would be returned home.
I don't think it was by fluke that the house was open and empty, nor that the person was able to come into town undetected (supposedly) by law enforcement to return the little dude. I wholeheartedly agree with the parents that in this case, our justice system failed our society, not that the police or the amber alert system failed society.
I'm watching the news last night and see a story about the Tories tough on crime bill and how they are planning to pass that bill. I hear the critics of the bill say that it's going to be tougher on the kids growing pot in the basement than it will to catch the big dealers. They say that it's going to do nothing for us right now because crime is at an all time low in the country, and that they "know" that deterrents don't work.
But included in that plan is a plan to get tough on sex offenders. I think that it's long overdue. I think it's a shame that people can commit crimes against children and get no more than five years - even after multiple offences.
Before you start to criticize me, let me explain. I would LOVE to support programs that would help kids get out of gangs and get out of the drug trade. I would LOVE to support programs that would encourage all inmates to get an education and be able to be fully functioning members of society - even if it meant providing rehab for some of their families - especially when they are coming from a background where there may be a lot of substance abuse etc. I think that every person in society is worth saving, and I would love to see more programs that help people do just that - rehab those who need help, those that commit the crimes, their families that may be suffering because of that crime that was committed, and families that are suffering from the effects of drug and alcohol abuse.
I also believe in trying to rehabilitate sex offenders because I am smart enough to know that not all sex offenders are those that rape children. There are those people that have been convicted of statutory rape because that's the law, not necessarily because they were being a predator. But rules are rules. If you truly love someone, you will wait for them and provide them the space that they need to experience their own life before you try and meld them into yours. I know that there are parents out there trying to save their children from people that they feel are "too old" for them. I know that some of these sex offenders are not the monsters of whom I am thinking of.
But I would like to see the laws changed for those sex offenders who have committed multiple offences against children. I would like to see the "dangerous offender" status applied to those who have committed these multiple offences and who have shown society that they are not interested in changing, and nor do they want to change. I think it is an atrocity that we would force our children to endure further hardship by forcing them to testify at a dangerous offender hearing against someone that just stole them.
But the reality is that society as a whole will not encourage more rehabilitation programs until the current system is taxed to the point of no return. We have to change society's moral values to rehab in order to alleviate some of the stress on the jail system. It might cost us just as much because in order to fix the squeaky wheel, we also need to see the wagon that is sitting on it. We might be faced in trying to help a family break the cycle of violence or abuse in order to give that inmate a safe place to return to.
The change starts with us first, and until we truly believe that society is worth changing, our inmates won't change either.
Wednesday, 21 September 2011
Sunday, 4 September 2011
The first day of the rest REST of my life
I'm in my 30-somethings now, and on Tuesday, I'm going to be starting the rest of my other life I put on hold almost 13 years ago.
I'd be completely lying if I said there wasn't a part of me that was truly terrified of what was going to happen. There is a huge part of me that is trying to say that I'm going to fail - that it's going to be too hard - that I'm going to quit, but I can feel deep down that this is going to be awesome for me. I can feel that my heart is in it, I'm behind it 100%. I can feel deep down that this is exactly where I am supposed to be.
One of the girls at my work who has studied toward becoming a psychologist was talking to me about my kids. We were talking about how I was scared to go, and that for the first time in my life, I felt like I didn't know who I really was. I mean I know my age, my name, my favourite colour, my favourite hockey team, when they will play in my city next, and what I'm passionate about, but at the end of the day, I've always been a mom. I've been Ben's mom and Jenna's mom and Jesse's mom and Jason's wife, and that has qualified my life for a long time.
I've curled and worked out, but at the end of the day, I've rushed through all of these things so that I can go home and be a mom and a wife. I love my life, I love my kids, I love my husband, and I know that they rely on me just as equally as I feel I have relied on them. I have used them as my crutch to get through really tough times in my life. I've always been able to go home and coccoon....I can insulate myself from the world and it's harshness, and relish in a world that when Jesse falls down in the backyard and is upset, I can be the center of his universe that makes him all better.
But outside of this persona, there are parts of me that are just - missing. I miss the girl that would have ants-in-her-pants to be the first one to do a presentation in school and see the looks on people's faces that said "Wow, that girl really knows her stuff!". I miss the girl that could leave her kid all day in daycare because I had a project due and be able to walk into the daycare and absolutely love the look on Ben's face when he knew it was time to go home. I miss being able to leave the sh*t at the door when I walked into home and just enjoy the denouement before work started again.
I'm afraid that this time, having kids and being a wife has eclipsed who I am. I'm afraid that I'm going to be the only one in school that can only relate to a lecture because one time it happened to a kid that I knew in school, or because it happened to my kid at school. I'm afraid that when I get up to give my presentations this time that they will see my chubby self instead of the brains behind the work. And I'm afraid that this time, my insecurities are laying where people can see them.
I know that having kids and being a wife has not eclipsed my persona at all. I know that it has enhanced all of those beautiful qualities that I have. I know that I am passionate in my beliefs because I CAN relate it to something that happened to me or my kids or my husband, and that I want to fight for someone else the way I wanted someone to fight for me.
The only thing I have to fear is me. I know I have to walk in there and own myself and my insecurities and bid them adieu. I know that I will hear the CASPS in my life that have encouraged every last part of this dream. I know that when I stand up to do the presentation, I won't feel like I'm in a fat suit. I feel like under this layer of skin has been the phoenix that is going to be my life very soon.
I'm afraid that I can no longer dumb it down in my life. This is where I'm going to be, and you are either going to come along for the ride and own it, or you'll be left in the dust. Maybe that is where the nerves are coming from because I've let those naysayers have shotgun for a while in the drive of life, and now, I've unceremoniously kicked them from the front seat to somewhere behind the trunk. And I'm unapologetic.
Tuesday is going to be the start of the rest of my other life. It is going to be the day that I wed the two parts of my life that have been leading separate lives. They will meet and fall in love, and learn to co-exist. There will be growing pains and struggles, but they will join hands and say, "You can do this because we are together."
I have in my life what other people may lack from time to time. I have children I have to set an example for. I have a husband that no matter what, will be my best friend, my ear, my shoulder, my hand. I have a safe place to voice my insecurity, and a firm voice to send them away.
I won't be afraid. I might be nervous, I might get lost, I might want to give up, but I know deep down, something GREAT is coming out of this one for sure.
I'd be completely lying if I said there wasn't a part of me that was truly terrified of what was going to happen. There is a huge part of me that is trying to say that I'm going to fail - that it's going to be too hard - that I'm going to quit, but I can feel deep down that this is going to be awesome for me. I can feel that my heart is in it, I'm behind it 100%. I can feel deep down that this is exactly where I am supposed to be.
One of the girls at my work who has studied toward becoming a psychologist was talking to me about my kids. We were talking about how I was scared to go, and that for the first time in my life, I felt like I didn't know who I really was. I mean I know my age, my name, my favourite colour, my favourite hockey team, when they will play in my city next, and what I'm passionate about, but at the end of the day, I've always been a mom. I've been Ben's mom and Jenna's mom and Jesse's mom and Jason's wife, and that has qualified my life for a long time.
I've curled and worked out, but at the end of the day, I've rushed through all of these things so that I can go home and be a mom and a wife. I love my life, I love my kids, I love my husband, and I know that they rely on me just as equally as I feel I have relied on them. I have used them as my crutch to get through really tough times in my life. I've always been able to go home and coccoon....I can insulate myself from the world and it's harshness, and relish in a world that when Jesse falls down in the backyard and is upset, I can be the center of his universe that makes him all better.
But outside of this persona, there are parts of me that are just - missing. I miss the girl that would have ants-in-her-pants to be the first one to do a presentation in school and see the looks on people's faces that said "Wow, that girl really knows her stuff!". I miss the girl that could leave her kid all day in daycare because I had a project due and be able to walk into the daycare and absolutely love the look on Ben's face when he knew it was time to go home. I miss being able to leave the sh*t at the door when I walked into home and just enjoy the denouement before work started again.
I'm afraid that this time, having kids and being a wife has eclipsed who I am. I'm afraid that I'm going to be the only one in school that can only relate to a lecture because one time it happened to a kid that I knew in school, or because it happened to my kid at school. I'm afraid that when I get up to give my presentations this time that they will see my chubby self instead of the brains behind the work. And I'm afraid that this time, my insecurities are laying where people can see them.
I know that having kids and being a wife has not eclipsed my persona at all. I know that it has enhanced all of those beautiful qualities that I have. I know that I am passionate in my beliefs because I CAN relate it to something that happened to me or my kids or my husband, and that I want to fight for someone else the way I wanted someone to fight for me.
The only thing I have to fear is me. I know I have to walk in there and own myself and my insecurities and bid them adieu. I know that I will hear the CASPS in my life that have encouraged every last part of this dream. I know that when I stand up to do the presentation, I won't feel like I'm in a fat suit. I feel like under this layer of skin has been the phoenix that is going to be my life very soon.
I'm afraid that I can no longer dumb it down in my life. This is where I'm going to be, and you are either going to come along for the ride and own it, or you'll be left in the dust. Maybe that is where the nerves are coming from because I've let those naysayers have shotgun for a while in the drive of life, and now, I've unceremoniously kicked them from the front seat to somewhere behind the trunk. And I'm unapologetic.
Tuesday is going to be the start of the rest of my other life. It is going to be the day that I wed the two parts of my life that have been leading separate lives. They will meet and fall in love, and learn to co-exist. There will be growing pains and struggles, but they will join hands and say, "You can do this because we are together."
I have in my life what other people may lack from time to time. I have children I have to set an example for. I have a husband that no matter what, will be my best friend, my ear, my shoulder, my hand. I have a safe place to voice my insecurity, and a firm voice to send them away.
I won't be afraid. I might be nervous, I might get lost, I might want to give up, but I know deep down, something GREAT is coming out of this one for sure.
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